I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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