theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
