Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
