i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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