My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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