you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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