What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
