I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
