You can't motorboat a personality
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
