Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
