Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
