Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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