Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
