I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
