Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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