it wasn't lemon gatorade
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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