So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
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