i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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