He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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