Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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