dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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