she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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