Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
