I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize