when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
