So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
