well I can't set my house on fire every night
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
