and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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