There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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