Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
