she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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