Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
