I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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