Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I licked your asshole in confidence.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
