she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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