I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize