i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
