I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
