ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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