he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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