and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize