this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
