You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
my being single is dangerous.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
