I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I will be naked everywhere
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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