I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
