weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
