YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
