I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
