Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize