im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
