I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The Olympian is in my bed
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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