the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
