dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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