So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
