he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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