I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
