i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
