he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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