I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
ttyl tear gas
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
