Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
