I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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