there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Do you still have your period?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
only you would photoshop your dick
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize