I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
