Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize