The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
