Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
