just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
